Perception is Reality, That Includes You

Growing up my father would often tell my sister and I that “perception is always reality.” For a long time I never truly understood what he meant by saying that, but now more than ever I grasp that concept completely. 

How we perceive the world is what our reality is going to be. As well, how we see ourselves is what the world will always see of us. It is the whole “my truth” concept that often comes out negative, but it is a way to display how you feel about a scenario and the people in it. Indeed your truth will become not just yours, but everyone’s around you too. 

I have gone through a large part of my adult life making some great decisions for others and not always the greatest for myself. I would think and say that my care for others drove me and I wasn’t what mattered—it was the influence and opportunity for growth I provided for others that did. 

That was a half truth if anything, as my perception of myself often became the reality that others would see despite my greatest attempts to provide a positive impact. Think negative, project negative. Think positive—you guessed it—project positive. 

As most leaders deal with what we call the “imposter syndrome” of I am not enough, it can become difficult to not put those anxieties and fears on the front often. We can do it in our personal lives as well leading to destruction of quality relationships that were not given the true chance of survival. 

I have written before and will say again many times over that I am my worst enemy. I want to be the person that provides the largest and harshest critiques to myself so that I can quickly adapt and change my thinking or actions for the better. 

However, that can lead to a problem that can easily and quickly get out of hand if not careful. I have lived that in my own life as well. With the triumphs has come the “imposter syndrome” at times, while the failures have led to my thoughts and feelings embracing that concept too deeply and it comes out as an angry honey badger of feelings. One that truthfully is good for no-one—especially myself. 

A solid movie from 2010 is Inception. The film stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Joseph Gordon-Levitt among others, and is written and directed by Christopher Nolan. The film is a fascinating tale of corporate espionage that uses an experimental dream-sharing technique to break into someone's thoughts in a dream state and provide alternate realities leading to real-life decisions and consequences. 

In the film—which quite honestly is a bit complicated—there are multiple layers of dreams that are stacked to steal ideas and force actions for a business takeover. The plan will lead to an eventual shutdown of a major global competitor through the concept of inception—essentially thought planting into the subconscious of another—and set DiCaprio’s character free of his past crimes as a thief and corporate espionage if completed. Solid win for DiCaprio. 

As the movie rolls there are layers of the film, most notably the layer of DiCaprio’s character wanting to live in a world where he is with his children and can move past the loss of his wife to suicide. 

Throughout the film it shows a strong dichotomy of choice where DiCaprio’s character—Dom Cobb—builds a crack team and is a major support line for the scheme. He has a talent for “extracting” that is unmatched and his ability to utilize the skill will lead to his eventual “perfect world” where he ends up with his children again. 

Despite the talent and the leadership shown, he battles against the memory of his late wife—played by Marion Cottilard—and puts his team in danger in the film using strategies of the layered dreams that create chaos. Towards the finish line of the stacked dreams and close to creating “inception” on their target his wife appears because of his inability to come to grips with his past and threatens the mission of the team, virtually ending the plan in the worst of ways leaving some of the team in a “limbo” dream state.

Cobb couldn’t push past his thoughts of his late wife and speaks to the history and belief that he is the root cause of her suicide. Mal—his wife’s character—appears and tries to put a kibosh on the whole plan. Her projection is killed by the team, and Cobb faces the reality that she chose her fate in life and that while he played a role in what led to it, ultimately it was not his fault. During all this, the inception holds on the target and the characters all awaken to a changed world. 

The final scene of the film is a very famous and hotly contested ending where DiCaprio is with his father in Los Angeles and discovers he is no longer on a wanted list as he passes through customs freely. 

Did this mean the inception worked and he had survived to reality receiving his reward as a free man? As he checks reality with the totem—a spinning top tool used to determine dream state vs. reality—he fails to watch to see if it drops to prove he has arrived in reality and walks to a balcony and meets his children. 

So what reality are you projecting and living for yourself? Clearly we are not living in a thought planting false dream state of corporate espionage and international crime, but our thoughts about ourselves and how we project what we feel is a reality. It is one that is based on perception, and one where we do provide inception moments whether we realize it or not on those around us. 

Some of the toughest days can be met with the greatest levels and acts of kindness around you. There are people out there and in your corner that want to see you succeed. Eventually, however, if you project too far into the perception of yourself of “I am not enough” or that you are damaged and create chaos—whether intently or not—others will begin to see that perception as well and make it their reality. 

This isn’t you not being able to have a bad day. This isn’t you not understanding that we all face struggles, trials, and tough moments. It is taking the time to spin the top, looking up and around at your surroundings and find the blessings on the balcony. 

I have faced that perception of myself more times than I can count. I have projected my pain, hurt, and self-loathing to the point where others have brought it to my attention. In my past it has absolutely hurt my relationships and damaged the perception of the reality I was living. It created a reality I didn’t want and that others didn’t need. 

Take time to sit quietly and ask yourself today—How do I perceive myself, and what is that projection doing to the world around me? If the majority of what you see is negative, you will receive negative. If you see and feel positive, you will receive that equally in return. 

Being hard on yourself can be one thing, taking it to the level of inception of thoughts to others through your perceived failure is another. Be the very best you can be in every moment. We all will fail. Embrace the times you fall short, but embrace it by seeking to be better and constantly projecting that along the way. 

Growth will take pain, but through the pain will come triumph. I promise.