What is Love

If you are a kid of the 90’s the minute “What is Love” by Haddaway pops on the radio you will begin to bob your head like you are in a remake of A Night at the Roxbury. It is nearly impossible not to if you remember the iconic scene from the film with Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell. 

While only some of us may recall the film, most will know the song. The Eurodance mix is impossible not to recognize, but love itself is a word that describes so much to so many, but is often misrepresented and truly misunderstood. The Five Love Languages test is one that I would encourage you to try if you haven’t yet, as it will help define how you feel and seek love. 

Through the centuries Greek culture has been known for its philosophy and is foundational in the practice. Names like Aristotle, Socrates, and Plato immediately come to mind. Greek culture has used eight different words to describe the feelings and actions of love while we, and most modern cultures, only focus on the one. Most notably of the eight are Eros, Philia, and Agape. 

Eros is in reference to the physical and passionate love of a partner. Philia is based in deep love through friendship and kinship. Agape is the love of all. An unconditional and often called Godly love. 

Eros is the most easily defined in my opinion and one that we all have felt or will feel at some point in our lives. It involves physical touch and the connection that is gained through said touch. It is the feeling of butterflies that you feel in your gut when you see a photo of someone you find attractive, feel the touch, or have a kiss or connection physically with them. 

It is the easiest love to understand because there is a tangible piece to this Eros type love. How you feel comes from the touch of the one you “love” and it is comforting. It can also be the most dangerous love to play with as the passion that follows can be damaging for the heart. It must be recognized and realized for what it is and not be a shadow that lays over the top of a relationship. 

Utilize Eros as an arrow in the quiver of life that you carry. Guard its use deeply despite the freeness we tend to want to give it. It can be the quickest way to damage yourself and others that you touch. 

Philia is the example of love in one of its purest forms. It is a love that is bound to friendships and family. One that is built on forging relationships with others, built on compromise, and supporting and uplifted those in your life. 

When you look at your friends group and those you care for deeply with no physical connection is where this love lies. Aristotle and Plato differ a bit on this type of love with Plato being of the concept it could become a stronger bond than Eros, as great friendships can lead to physical bonds. For this purpose and discussion the general understanding of Philia and the theme of family and kinship is what I am discussing. 

It is a healthy and earned love that is long lasting and creates bonds that are built to last a lifetime. An extension of Philia means “another oneself” and is representative of how we must love ourselves first to truly love others—including family and friends. 

Acknowledging that self-love is important and helps to guide our thinking and actions for the betterment of our surroundings is a must to fully participate in this type of love. It doesn’t mean we won’t face adversity where we will question ourselves, but that we should have this love to develop with others so that in those times they will be there to support and uplift us from the folds of despair. 

The final love I want to mention is Agape. Agape is what I would consider transcendent love. One that goes beyond oneself and is a total love to others. Some refer to it as “Godly love”, others like C.S. Lewis called it “gift love.” In Latin it is caritas, the root word for charity. 

This love may be the most important and least utilized of all. It is a love and care for everyone—strangers included—that leads to charitable giving, soup kitchens, and charities like Toys for Tots. (Shameless plug for the Marine Corps and this amazing organization before the Holidays.)

Having the ability to understand and feel Agape is tough. It is self sacrificial most always but the return is built in the karmic influence it will have on your life. I wrote of living a transcendent life recently and point to self-care being self-destructive understanding Agape is the root of that writing. 

We are all here to understand ourselves first, second to understand others, then to transcend to a point where everything we touch is left for the better and cared for completely and unconditionally. 

As you walk into and through the holiday season know that so much around you is based on your ability to love and to give it freely. I find it to be the easiest emotion to have, but with every action there are equal and opposite reactions—the Yin Yang effect that Chinese philosophy has brought the world. 

Bring a positive light and you will in turn receive that, but even if you don’t know that the return of the energy you give will come back eventually in a way you may never have seen or expected. 

Also recognize the different types of love that exist and how to navigate them in your life. Don’t allow yourself to fall short seeking only Eros or becoming settled with just Philia. Seek Agape in all relationships and it will make the Eros and Philia loves that you have more full and complete. 

Find the transcendence point that brings unconditional love to every relationship and even those strangers you may not even know the names of. Make this holiday season a turning point for the better, for the Agape to flow. It will enrich you beyond your highest expectations.